So I sort of did a thing recently.
I decided it was time to recklessly be me. To fully embrace my true self once and for all, letting go of anyone else’s opinions or expectations of who I am and who I should be. Deciding to create “Kaili” based completely on my heart, soul, vision, and intuition.
Why is this a big deal? Because for some odd reason, I’d settled neatly into the boxes assigned to me at birth and during childhood without questioning their validity to my current life.
In layman’s terms: Everyone else chose who I was and I just nodded in agreement.
This isn’t just a me-thing, this is an everybody-thing. We’re all told from a young age who we are, what we’re good at, what we should value, and who we should become.
It’s not anyone’s “fault” really, it’s merely a result of community and culture.
But now that I’m an adult, freshly moved half-way across the country and running my own life independently of any spec of “home,” I decided I’m no longer obligated to meet anyone else’s needs or expectations.
And neither are you.
Because guess what? Everyone else has their own life to run, their own values to define, their own goals to set, their own circles to create, their own habits to make and break, and their own lives to define.
AND YOU HAVE YOURS.
And if you don’t focus your energy on creating a life that fulfills you, brings you joy, allows you to leave an impact, and feels like home, your happiness tank will be empty and your resentment tank full.
At the end of the day, you have to put yourself first. Sure, it’s fine to take into account your family’s values and beliefs and ensure you’re remaining respectful and considerate, but that’s not equivalent to forming your life according to their blueprint.
Or anyone’s blueprint for that matter.
Life gets a whole lot more exciting, joyful, fulfilling, adventurous, and positively-challenging when you decide to create it exactly as your best-self would.
For reference, a few decisions that should be made completely based on YOU:
- Your career path
- Your partner
- Your hobbies
- Your values
- Your core beliefs
And if anyone disagrees, let them. That’s OK. They have that right. Just like you have the right to say, “Thank you for your opinion, I appreciate that you care.” Before politely moving on to do whatever it is you feel you need to.
Next time you’re feeling guilty because of a decision or tempted to give in to keep the peace, ask yourself these questions:
- What would my best self do in this situation if no one else had a say?
- What decision can I make right now to align with who I am and who I’m becoming?
- To bring myself peace and show myself respect, what do I need to say or do?
Follow those answers and keep following them until you feel empowered and delighted to own your choices, words, actions, and life.