How to Find Quality Friends

Good friends make you laugh, hold you when you cry, and challenge you to be the best version of yourself, but they also boost your health

Research shows that quality friendships in your 20s are a solid predictor of living to your 70s, and that poor social support has the same  mortality-risk equivalent as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Let’s break that down a bit: Healthy friendships help you live longer, poor friendships cut your life short. Wowza. 

The people you spend time with matter. 

Take a quick look at your social circle. Does it represent the values, beliefs, and energy you want to put into the world? Is it filling you up and propelling you forward? 

If your answer was no, or a hesitant yes, here are 4 ways you can turn that into an “absolutely!”

1.) Know Your Worth. People who believe they have a lot to offer the world won’t settle for a crowd who thinks anything less. Before you can expect wonderful people to want to be around you, you need to believe you’re wonderful too. 

Start somewhere: Grab a pen and paper and write down your strengths: what makes you a great friend, why you rock, etc. Post your list somewhere and read it every day–taking time each morning to remind yourself why you’re awesome. Focusing on what you have to offer others will help build a positive mindset and increase confidence.

2.) Focus on Quality. Remember when you were a kid and thought 10 pennies were better than 2 quarters? Friends are a lot like that. Having a handful of supportive kind friends is way better than a room full of negative flimsy acquaintances. Focus on the quality people in your life and give them the time and attention they deserve. 

Start somewhere: This week, opt to spend less time scrolling social media and more face-to-face time with a friend whose presence makes your heart happy. Plan a coffee date or ask them to go for a walk outside. You’ll be surprised at how valuable in-person connections are versus the un-social world of social media.

Quality friendships are a MUST for a health, happy life--here's how to find them.

3.) Seek What You Admire. When adding people to your social circle, a good place to start is by seeking out those you admire—whether for their positive qualities, attitudes, accomplishments, or something else. Gravitating toward these types of people will help you take on their positive traits and attitudes. 

Start somewhere: Think about the people in your life who you look up to. Write their names down and make it a point to connect (preferably in person!) with each of them this month. Don’t forget to follow-up after, and hopefully plan round 2. The more energy you put into these people, the more you’ll start to notice your world shift.

4.) Ditch Toxicity. Here’s the hardest part: You can’t just bring positive people into your circle, you need to cut the negative out too. Cut ties with anyone in your life who isn’t adding positivity, joy, or support. You don’t need to make a big show of it, simply stop giving them your time and energy (kindly, of course) and immediately notice the relief you feel. 

Start somewhere: Embrace the word “no” this month. Next time one of your toxic “friends” wants to hang out or call you to complain, don’t give in—choose to put your energy elsewhere. Remember: Being picky with your time and energy isn’t selfish—it’s healthy. 

Building a tribe of positive people takes time, patience, and commitment. Don’t give up if it doesn’t happen right away, keep smiling, spreading joy, and putting yourself out there. 

Show up every day as your best self and you’re sure to attract some kickass ladies. 

Originally created for Kind Co. Check them out–they’re doing some wicked cool things.

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